


even in death

by ugandadistrict9



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Friendship, Gen, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, double rimmer, life lessons.... or should i say death lessons, rimster if u squint, this is set sometime between s8 and s9/10 btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 22:19:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6347776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ugandadistrict9/pseuds/ugandadistrict9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-Laugh, laugh, laugh, chuckle, guffaw, giggle -- that's Rimsy and Listy!<br/>-When?<br/>-Millions of times!<br/><em>-When?</em><br/>(s01e03: Balance of Power)</p>
            </blockquote>





	even in death

**Author's Note:**

> an obligatory first-rimmer-comes-back-to-the-new-dwarf-because-im-emo-and-i-miss-him fic
> 
> disclaimer this isnt super shippy sorry to get ur hopes up

“Black coffee.”

 

The dispensing machine made a whirring noise, and Lister reached in and grabbed the steaming styrofoam cup. He gave a wave to the machine as he walked off, back into his quarters.

 

He sighed, flopping down on the couch.

 

Just another boring afternoon aboard the _Dwarf_.

 

Lister picked up a magazine. He didn’t really read, but it was kind of something to do. Things to do were scarce in deep space. He gave the cover a look.

 

“Smeg! I’ve read this one before,” he said, casting it aside unceremoniously.

 

“Hol?” he called.

 

A woman’s face appeared on a screen. “Yes, Dave?” Holly, the ship's computer, had returned to her female face after they’d reclaimed the Dwarf.

 

“There’s nothin’ to do,” he complained. “I’ve read all the smeggin’ magazines, I’ve seen all the smeggin’ videos, we haven’t gotten a smeggin' mail pod in years,” he sipped his coffee, grimaced, and placed it back on the table. “The coffee’s smeggin’ terrible,” he added to his list of complaints.

 

“Well, you might be in luck then. I’ve got exciting news,” Holly announced, voice still as unexcited as ever.

 

“What news?”

 

“A ship’s approaching. Oh, hold on.” her face disappeared.

 

“A ship?” Lister asked thin air.

 

Rimmer and Kryten rushed into the room, obviously having received the memo.

 

Holly’s face reappeared on the screen. “It’s requesting to dock in our landing bay.”

 

“What do you think it is?” Rimmer asked.

 

“I haven’t got a clue,” she said. “It’s a small ship - got only one passenger.”

 

“Should we let it in, sirs?” Kryten asked.

 

Rimmer looked skeptical. “I don’t know... could be dangerous.”

 

“Could be _interesting_.” Lister lit up. “I say let it in.”

 

“But, Lister, what if--”

 

“Let it in, Hol.”

 

*

 

Rimmer’s complaints continued as they collected the Cat and geared up to head to the landing bay.

 

“Rimmer, it’ll be _fine_. You’re already dead, anyway. You’ve got nothin’ to worry about.” Lister said. “Quit yer whinin’, let’s just _go_.”

 

When the ship had landed, and the airlocks were all closed, the four of them stepped through the doors, onto the deck above the landing area.

 

Down in the landing bay, near their remaining STARBUG, sat a small craft. Lister squinted.

 

The cockpit of the ship slowly opened.

 

Lister and the Cat raised their guns defensively.

 

What emerged from the ship was one of the last things Lister had expected to see. A tall man with windblown brown hair, donned in a golden pleather coat hopped from the cockpit of the ship, boots slapping against the concrete floor of the landing bay with a certain grace. When he spotted the crew up on the deck, his lips curled into an undefinable smile.

 

“Hello Dave.”

 

“Rimmer!” Lister exclaimed, his weapon falling to the deck with a loud, echoing _clang_. The metal grate stairs clunked loudly beneath his boots as he took off towards ship.

 

“’Rimmer’?” Rimmer echoed, perplexed. “But I’m standing right here...!” he called. “Lister!”

 

Lister ignored the hologram’s protests as he charged onward, flinging himself into the outstretched arms of the so-called Rimmer. The intruder welcomed the gesture, a large grin on his unmistakably Rimmer-like face as he patted Lister on the back.

 

Rimmer frowned. Him and the Cat started down the steps towards the two. Kryten followed shortly behind them.

 

Lister laughed gleefully as they parted, punching the Rimmer look-alike on the shoulder. “Ace, man! Where’ve you been? What the smeg’re you doin’ ‘ere?”

 

“Ace?” Rimmer repeated, irritated. “Since when has Lister ever called me ‘Ace’!?”

 

Lister turned to the three confused onlookers, grinning with pure delight. “Rimmer,” he said, “I’d like you to meet Ace.”

 

Kryten smiled with delight, and the Cat lit up in recognition.

 

“Mr. Ace, sir!”

 

“Hey, bud!”

 

Ace blinked at the other Rimmer, and the two stared at each other for a moment. There was no doubt about it; ‘Ace’ was him. He was Rimmer. Two Arnold Rimmers. He didn’t understand it, but that’s the way it was.

 

Before Arnold knew it, Ace turned back to the others and cracked a joke.

 

“Replaced me already, I see?” Ace chuckled.

 

Rimmer sneered. Lister, Cat and Kryten had a good laugh.

 

The “original” four talked for a while, and Rimmer couldn’t say he was interested in what they were saying. It was just stories of what they’d done in the past while and about Super Rimmer’s smeggy heroic space adventures. The conversation continued up into the quarters, where they all sat to catch up.

 

The crew seemed to like this Rimmer a great deal better than they liked him. It was infuriating. Sure, they hadn't been with him as long as they'd been with this Rimmer, but he was the exact same person! This Rimmer wasn't anything special! It was all a bunch of poppycock. He had been gone for several years, and seemed to have gone somewhat peculiar. They all referred to him affectionately, with the nickname _Ace_. That was his nickname! Why did no one call him that?

 

Lister had a particular taking to him, which pissed Rimmer off. His referring to Ace as the “original” Rimmer made him feel particularly inadequate.

  
Rimmer sat in a chair near the door, ignoring their conversations. Eventually the group split, much to Rimmer’s delight. He looked up, tuning back in.

  
“You three go on, Listy and I have some catching up to do.” Ace said, pulling Lister aside.

  
Kryten said something about laundry, and the Cat declared it was his nap time. They dispersed, and Ace led Lister to the hall to talk in private.

  
Lister followed him to the door, stopping briefly to enthuse to the other Rimmer, pointing out the door with his thumb. “What a guy!” He grinned, before walking out the door, which shut behind him.

  
Rimmer groaned, sinking further into his chair, depressed. What a git, more like.

 

After a moment of sulking, he began to wonder what the two were talking about. He crouched by the door, pressing his ear up against it.

  
“What's up, man?” said a concerned Lister. “Is somethin' wrong? You haven't come to recruit the new Rimmer? You’re not dyin’ on me, are ya?”

  
“No, no, don't be silly. I just wanted to visit... see how you guys have been.”

  
“Ah?”

  
“And I... I wanted to thank you.”

  
“Thank me?”

  
“For everything. I didn't think I'd be capable. Of being Ace, that is. And what you told me.... it really helped. You believed in me, Lister. You told me I could be my own kind of Ace.” The Rimmer paused. “Thanks to you, that's what I've done. Instead of living in Ace's shadow, and trying to imitate him, I've just been me. Myself. Good ol’ Rimsy.” he said, in awkward attempt at joking around. “I-I've become less cowardly over the years, though... People’s high image of me really puts some confidence under the belt. But I’m not the same as the last Ace. I’m still me. And thanks to you, I don't feel guilty for not being the great guy that he was anymore...”

  
“Rimmer....” Lister said. “I'm proud of you, man.”

  
Ace laughed a sort of light laugh. Rimmer had never heard himself laugh like that. He didn’t like it.

  
“Lister, I really missed you. I missed all of you.”

  
“Blahhhhh.” Rimmer hissed, sticking out his tongue, disgusted. ‘I really missed you’?? He never thought he'd hear those words come from his mouth. Especially to _Lister_ , king of goit-central. This other Rimmer made him want to puke. He couldn’t just go around saying smeg like that with Rimmer’s voice.

  
“I did,” Ace continued. “Being a universally loved rogue space adventurer is beyond words, but I never realized how much I enjoyed the simple times here on the Dwarf. How did you get it back, by the way?”

  
“Nanobots,” Lister said simply. “Long story.”

  
Ace chuckled. He chuckled? Rimmer didn't _chuckle_ , did he!? Rimmer didn't like having someone else running around being... him. He knew that, technically, this Rimmer was the original him, but he -- himself him, had done things of his own, too. Many things. He took different paths. He had done different things. He had died a different way. He probably had different last words, too. What was the probability of more than one Arnold Rimmer having the unique last words of “Gazpacho soup”?

  
Rimmer missed part of the conversation while lost in his thoughts, but he tuned back in to hear something peculiar.

 

“Wait up, hold on, stop.” Lister sounded skeptical. “I had a dream sorta like this before.”

 

“You dreamt about me?”

 

“...Kinda, yeah. I just... need to make sure this is real first.”

 

“I’m real.” Ace said gently. (Rimmer didn’t like that tone. It bordered on romantic. He would never talk to Lister with that tone.) “I assure you.”

 

“You sure? 100%? Pinch me.”

 

Lister yelped, presumably having pinched himself. Rimmer rolled his eyes.

 

“Dave?”

 

The implications of what Lister said next disturbed Rimmer.

 

“Aww, c'mere, you.”

  
Rimmer, despite his best eavesdropping abilities, couldn't be entirely sure of what happened now from just listening, but it sounded disturbingly like something he didn't even want to imagine. It sounded like.....

  
Lister..... and him....

 

_Kissing._

  
It was too late. He had imagined it. He recoiled in disgust at the mere image. It burned into his poor innocent mind, leaving the taste of bile in his mouth.

 

He sat there for a moment, grimacing, before pressing his ear to the door again.

  
They were definitely snogging. There was no doubt about it. But why? Listers and Rimmers didn’t _snog_ , who did this Rimmer think he was, anyway!? He wasn’t just disgusted, now he was also annoyed. And confused. Had this Rimmer really been through that much with Lister? Were they _together_? The thought grossed Rimmer out. He moved away from the door, sitting back down in his chair, disturbed. He didn’t move for quite some time.

 

*

 

Lister re-emerged in the room, alone, looking as if nothing had happened. He had a silver tin of chicken vindaloo, fresh from the dispensing machine. “Hey.” he greeted, sitting down at the table.

 

Rimmer didn’t know what to say. “Where’s Ace?” he asked, putting particular emphasis on the name. He didn’t like how it sounded coming out of his mouth.

 

“With Kryten, checking out the improvements on the ship.”

 

“Didn’t--” he stopped. He didn’t even know how to ask this. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

 

Lister didn’t seem fazed by Rimmer’s confusion, or his failure to make a proper sentence. He was too invested in the vindaloo.

 

Rimmer just stopped talking. He sat in silence, watching Lister as he shoveled down forkfuls of curry in his unattractive, Lister-y manner, with half the orange sauce ending up on and around him rather than in his mouth. He was quite probably the most disgusting being to have ever lived in the entire galaxy, Rimmer thought. He couldn’t understand what Ace could possibly see in him. It wasn’t like he could have being a great kisser to balance out his bad qualities, either. There was no way. He only ever ate things that were spicy enough to cause you physical pain, he drank too much, he smoked cigarettes, and he brushed his teeth less than once a week. His breath could already kill from a distance; Rimmer didn’t want to imagine having Lister breathe down his throat.

 

Before Lister had finished his food, Kryten and Ace stepped back into the quarters, engaged in conversation. Lister nodded at them, and Rimmer forced an uncomfortable smile. Maybe Ace was used to multiple versions of himself, but Rimmer wasn’t yet. He felt discomforted by the fact that there was more than one of him, and even more so by the knowledge that he wasn’t the original one.

 

Lister discussed his welcome party plans for Ace, talking excitedly of video games and karaoke and drinking, but Ace stopped him, holding up his hand.

 

“I’m afraid I have to leave soon, m’laddo.”

 

Rimmer looked up.

 

“What, already?” Lister sounded disappointed.

 

“’fraid so.”

 

“But, sir, you’ve only just gotten here.” Kryten protested. “Surely you have time to rest longer?”

 

“Sorry, Kryts.” Ace smiled sadly. “Only dropped by for a quickie.”

 

Rimmer rolled his eyes harder than he ever had in his life.

 

Lister scraped his fork thoughtfully through the sauce left in the bottom of his takeout tin. He seemed understanding, yet sad. “It’s just sad seein’ ya go again.”

 

“But you don’t need me,” said Ace, gesturing to the other Rimmer. “You have him. He’s me. In fact, he’s more the me you know than I am right now.”

 

Rimmer’s eyes widened at this. He stayed silent.

 

Lister looked over at him, then back at Ace, then back at him, then back at Ace again. “And he’s been through some times with us as well... But we’ll still miss you, man. You don’t meet many faces out here in deep space.”

 

Ace smiled fondly, gaze fixed on Lister as he rose. Lister stared back, not smiling, not frowning. The two’s borderline-homoerotic eye lock oddly did not make Rimmer uncomfortable this time around. It was vaguely sweet. Lister cared for him.

So what if it wasn’t really _him_ him? It was still him, in a sense.

 

He was still confused about the relationship between Lister and this Rimmer, though. If they were together, it didn’t seem to be a big and obvious thing. Maybe it was a secret from the others? Or maybe they weren’t even together at all. He didn’t know. He didn’t know if he even wanted to, but part of him sort of hoped. At least one Rimmer deserved to have a love life, even with someone as gross and aggravating as David Lister.

 

*

 

Down in the landing bay, they all gathered around Ace’s ship once again, as he prepared to leave.

 

Lister looked sad.

 

Even the Cat seemed to like this Rimmer a little bit.

 

Kryten fussed about, making sure Ace had all the proper supplies to carry on throughout deep space in. Ace assured him many times over that he was fine. Rimmer couldn’t help but roll his eyes. They were all so worried about this other Rimmer, but what about him? They’d probably encourage him to die if he was the one heading out alone into space.

 

When Ace was finally loaded into his ship, they all took a step back.

 

“Well... I guess this is goodbye, huh...” Lister said, bummed.

 

Rimmer remained silent.

 

“Seeya, dog-breath.” the Cat said, no malicious intent in his voice.

 

“Do stay safe, sir!” Kryten sounded emotional.

 

“Farewell, boys.” Ace said, flicking a bunch of controls.

 

“Bye, man.” Lister gave a small wave.

 

The engines roared to life, starting to lift the small craft off the ground. Ace turned to the crew, putting on his best smoulder, and in a deep, exaggerated voice, he said: “Smoke me a kipper...”

 

Thinking that this was cheesy and unusual, Rimmer glanced to Lister for explanation, to see if he was confused as well. But Lister had a big dumb grin on his face, as if this bizarre line was some sort of joke between them. Ace’s charismatic expression broke into a large, uncontrollable smile as he said his parting words.

 

“I’ll be back for breakfast.”

 

Lister slapped his leg, silently laughing in utter glee. He turned to them and pointed excitedly, a “didja see that!?!?” gesture. Rimmer did indeed see that, but he was far from understanding it.

 

They all watched him go.

 

They all stood in the landing bay in silence for a while, before Lister sighed. “I’m proud of ‘im.” he said softly.

 

Nobody said anything else.

 

They all made their way back to the ship in silence. They dispersed without a word, as it was getting late anyway. Just Rimmer and Lister remained in their quarters.

 

Rimmer sat down on his bunk.

 

Lister didn’t hang around, however. He seemed somewhat distant. Grabbing a can of lager, he made for the door. “I’m goin’ up to the observatory.” he stated.

 

Then Rimmer was alone. Alone with his thoughts.

 

He had so many questions for Lister. He wanted to know about other Rimmer. He hadn’t payed attention when he was here, but after listening to the conversation between Lister and him, his mind was racing. He needed to know about Ace Rimmer. Rimmer who was worthy of the nickname “Ace”. Rimmer who had been with the crew since the beginning, since the death of the original Red Dwarf crew.

 

He remained there for a few moments, head filling with questions, until he decided he needed answers. He stood up, pushing his chair in behind him, and followed Lister on up to the observatory.

 

When he reached the top of the ladder, he immediately spotted Lister, who sat cross-legged, sipping his booze, staring thoughtfully out into the never-ending blackness beyond the dome.

 

“Hey, Rimmer.” he greeted, not turning to face him.

 

“Uh... hi.” he responded quietly, sitting down beside him.

 

Silence descended upon them. Lister didn’t seem like he was going to talk any time soon, but Rimmer’s mind was racing, impatient.

 

“A-are you alright?”

 

“’m fine,” said Lister.

  
Rimmer tapped his fingers against his knees, not sure of how to go about this. Lister wasn't really giving him anything to work with.

  
“So.... how about you and Ace, huh?”

  
“Ace...” Lister laughed, just a small ‘heh’. “That was never really his name, you know. We didn't call him that. Nobody called him that.”

  
“What d'you mean?”

  
“Ace isn't just a nickname. It's something you become.”

  
This didn't make any more sense to Rimmer.

  
“You see,” Lister continued, “Before him, there was another Ace. Ace Rimmer is a... he's sort of like a... a legend. A charismatic, space adventurin’, time travellin’, dimension-hoppin’ _smeghead_.” he smiled fondly, taking a swig from his can. “This Rimmer, y'see, he wasn't always Ace. He became him when the last one died. Just like the one before him did when the previous one died, and so on.” Lister scratched his head. “I’m not sure if all Rimmers become Ace Rimmers, but I do know, every Ace Rimmer was once a regular Rimmer.”

  
Rimmer nodded. This explained a few of the things he had heard during the private chat he listened in on.

  
“But before he was Ace, he was exactly like you. He was an OG Dwaaarfer!” Lister punctuated this with a hand motion, shaking his hands rapidly in front of him as though flicking off water. “He was exactly the same you, you are now.” he poked Rimmer in the chest.

  
Rimmer nodded, slowly beginning to understand.

  
“He went away when he became Ace, _years_ before you were created by those nanobots. Over 200 years, actually. For us, only 3 or so, but we were put into deep sleep for a long time when we lost the Dwarf. I'm still surprised he's even still out there. I'm gettin' worried about him. I know he's already dead, but, the thought of him dyin' for good still upsets me... I'm really proud of him.” Lister took a big swig of lager.

  
Rimmer winced as Lister began _gargling_ his alcohol. He found this not only disgusting, but incredibly unnecessary to prove the point of his touching speech. He just shook his head. He was trying his hardest to find Lister endearing, he really was. It wasn’t easy.

  
“I'm so proud, I can't even say,” Lister went on. “I'm surprised he still remembers all those things I said to 'im. It must've been really important to 'im. He's probably been lookin' for us for years now... But that's nothing, I guess... one time he waited 600 years for us to come rescue him.” Lister smiled sadly.

  
At that moment, Rimmer finally started to understand Lister's infatuation with the other Rimmer. “600 years....?” There was no way.

  
“Time dilation. We went through a wormhole to get him. For us, it was only a couple of hours, but for him....” Lister trailed off. “You may not realize it, but you're a lot stronger than you lead on, Rimmer.”

  
Rimmer's eyes widened. His heart started beating at 100km/h. Did Lister mean that..? He felt himself starting to melt a little. Nobody ever praised him. He didn’t even know what to say to that.

  
Lister didn't seem to acknowledge Rimmer's reaction. He had other more pressing things on the mind. He brought his can back to his lips. “I just wish he could've stayed longer.” Sip. “Why did he leave, anyway?” Sip. “After he spent so long findin' us...” Gargle.

 

“It might've had to do with you bein' here....” Lister wondered aloud. “Not that he felt replaced, but that he knew you didn't like him.”

  
“Who said I didn't like him?” Rimmer protested.

  
Lister shook his head, “Of course you didn't like him. He's you.”

 

What the smegging hell was that supposed to mean!? Was Lister implying that he could never love himself? Rimmer took offense to that. Sure, it may have been somewhat true, but Lister didn’t have any right to _know_ that.

 

“You, but more loved, more experienced. You had every reason not to like him. Rimmer _always_ hated Ace.” Lister clarified.

  
Oh. “So, you aren't mad at me for being to blame for his leaving, then...?”

  
“Nah, man. I think it’s some sort of a given, Rimmer hatin’ Ace. I'm just a little mixed up now, thinkin' about him.”

  
Rimmer cleared his throat. He didn't know if he should really be asking this, but he had to. Right now seemed like the only opportunity he’d get.

 

“Uhm, so.... when you and Ace had your little... chat, did you...” he trailed off.

 

He sweated nervously. He shouldn’t say this.

 

“Y-you two didn't happen to... kiss.... did you?”

  
Lister looked over at Rimmer, cocking an eyebrow. The hologram was flustered, obviously aware he was overstepping his bounds and admitting to having spied on them.

  
“Yeah.” Lister said simply, unsmiling. “We did, yeah.”

  
Rimmer swallowed uncomfortably. He was hoping Lister would elaborate more on the incident in his answer, but it appeared he would have to do some extent of prying. “I-if I may ask... why, precisely, did that event occur?”

  
“It just sorta _occurred_ , I guess, what's it to ya, Rimmer!?”

  
“Was... that the only time it ever happened?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“Huh.” Rimmer fell silent, pondering.

 

Lister shook his head, swirling the contents of his can around. The two gazed out into the reaches of deep space beyond the observation dome. Emptiness, with millions of faint twinkles of stars. The longer you stared, the more stars you saw. Lister could swear he spotted a planet in the distance, but he wasn’t sure if they were going towards it, or away from it. He dismissed it. It didn’t really matter anyway.

  
“Was it good...?” Rimmer asked quietly after a while. “...The kiss, I mean.”

  
A smug sort of smile began to form behind the beer can pressed to Lister’s lips. “You could say that....”

 

Beyond his control, Rimmer found himself grinning too.

 

He shirked Lister’s gaze, embarrassment creeping back up on him. He cleared his throat, looking back out into space.

  
“Was probably Rimmer's first kiss in a while,” Lister said eventually. “I know how bad you guys' love life is.”

  
Rimmer froze, the last trace of smile falling right off of his face. It hit the surface of the floor, smashing like a glass bottle. The millions of shards of smile stabbed painfully into the palms of his hands where they rested on the floor. He shifted uncomfortably on the invisible glass beneath him. “You do?”

  
“Yep.” Lister downed the rest of the lager, slapping the can down on the deck and crushing it with a swift karate chop. He then clutched his hand and silently doubled in pain, ‘REGRET’ painted in bold letters across his face. Rimmer ignored this.

 

“W-what did he tell you?”

 

“Smeg...!” Lister groaned, voice high-pitched and nearly inaudible. “Shoulda.... taken karate first....”

 

“What did he tell you!?” Rimmer repeated frantically.

 

Lister shook his hand wildly in the air, as if it somehow helped, cracking a smile again. “Ohhh, everything.” he chuckled. He still sounded mildly pained. “I know how you lost your virginity, the story of your first French kiss -- that’s a good one, the exact number of times you've had sex...” Lister laughed as if this were some kind of light, every day topic, and not grossly personal information of Rimmer's.

  
Rimmer's face was pink with embarrassment. He didn’t think hologram’s could even blush, but here he was. “W-why would he tell you all of that?”

  
“Oh, Cat and I read your diary, too.”

 

Rimmer’s jaw dropped.

 

“I told you, we were together a long time!” Lister justified before Rimmer could say anything. He gave him an apologetic look. “There's not much to talk about in deep space, alright!?

 

“I tried to do him a favour once, though. ‘Cause I knew all this. Felt bad about the lack of love in your life, so I went to the memory bank and I gave him 8 months of my memory, where I'd dated a pretty swell girl.” Pensive, Lister made an odd clicking sound with his tongue. “Ended up in disaster, though. He was heartbroken when I told him the truth about what I'd done, and we all agreed to wipe it completely from our memories. Four entire days. We woke up dazed and confused with an entire mystery on our hands. We found the black box buried on a small moon and refreshed ourselves on what happened. That was sort of a laugh.” he grinned.

  
Rimmer found himself laughing, too.

 

“Is there anythin’ else you wanted to know about him?” Lister said, somehow reading Rimmer’s mind.

 

“Well, I... I wanted to know what his last words were.”

 

Lister started to laugh. “You don’t wanna know that, _trust_ me.”

 

“Yes, I do.” Rimmer said. “I have the right to know. He’s me!”

 

Lister giggled and giggled, clutching his stomach. “You don’t wanna know.” he repeated.

 

“Yes! I do want to know!” For reasons unbeknownst to him, Rimmer started to smile, too. “Tell me!!” he insisted impatiently.

 

“Okay, okay, I-I’ll tell ya... You do _not_ wanna know, but I’ll tell ya. You ready?”

 

“Yes!!”

 

“Gazpacho soup.” Lister snorted.

 

Rimmer stopped laughing. He stopped dead. “You.... you what?”

 

“Those were his last words.” Lister insisted. “They were! I’m serious! He video’d his own death...! What a guy.”

 

“You can’t be serious. Gazpacho soup?”

 

“Rimmer, I _swear_ to you, that’s what they were. He even told me the story behind it.” Lister paused, before bursting into another fit of immature giggles.

 

“He told you _that_!?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Rimmer sat there, mouth hanging open, completely unsure of what to do. “ _Gazpacho soup_....??? Gazpacho....”

 

Lister nodded. “I told you, you didn’t wanna smeggin’ kn-”

 

“Those were _my_ last words!!” Rimmer yelled.

 

Lister froze. “You-- Your--” he stammered, furrowing his brow.

 

The two sat in complete silence for probably an entire minute, dumbfounded.

 

Then..... Lister burst out laughing again.

 

Rimmer heard another laugh, which turned out to be none other than his own.

 

It... it _was_ pretty funny.

 

His laughter picked up, until he and Lister were in stitches on the floor of the observatory -- laugh, laugh, laugh, chuckle, guffaw, giggle.

 

Lister sat up, wiping a tear from his eye. “What else do you want to know? I’ll tell ya everything.”

 

Soon, Lister was animatedly telling stories of their days with the other Rimmer. Time travel, virtual reality games, worlds where time ran backwards, space battles, finding Kryten, losing Red Dwarf.....

 

Rimmer found himself enjoying them greatly.

 

He and Lister laughed the night away. It was unlike anything they’d ever done before. For the first time in his life -- and his death, Rimmer was genuinely enjoying Lister’s company. For once, he didn’t think of him as a disgusting, lowly slob. He didn’t think he was better than him; nor was he jealous of him. He just thought of him as a person. A person, like him.

 

A person with feelings. Joy, sadness, fear, anger, self-loathing... the whole works.

 

Rimmer saw something else in Lister. Something beautiful. Something freeing.

 

He saw life.

 

Life. Something Rimmer, technically speaking, no longer had. But life wasn’t just in being _alive_ , it was in _living_. A thing that Rimmer didn’t understand until just then. Instead of filling himself with guilt and with hate, he should just live.

 

Even in death, one could learn to live.

 

And from that point on, Rimmer decided that that’s exactly what he would do.

**Author's Note:**

> pls ignore any mistakes
> 
> i hate ao3's spacing hoooo boy... but whatev. hope u enjoyed c:


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